Monday, September 10, 2012
I remember the day I started noticing you. I was nursing a crush on someone else. You and him were poles apart, it's like comparing night and day. He was mysterious, tall, lean– the bad boy type. You were friendly, well-built, cute– the typical guy-next-door.
As I got to learn more about the both of you, I see more qualities in you that I prefer. I think that fateful night at the bar played a key role in this one-sided love affair; it got me to notice you. Now as I relate this story, the series of events is not unlike a fog. I may not be clear of the sequence, but these events etched in my mind are to blame for my increasing fondness of you.
I couldn't possibly tell when I started falling for you, for it seemed to be a gradual change. When I finally realise it, I was already in too deep. I find myself looking forward to the chance of having a short encounter with you, instead of him, every time the night comes to an end. Conversation has always been a challenge to me when faced with someone I fancy, and on top of the fact that I have a penchant of keeping to myself, you never really got to know me.
I really liked the time we were all mugging for exams together in Starbucks. You were sitting alone at the table by the window, I was with the girls at the table opposite yours. I don't know how I studied that day, I probably didn't, for I was busy taking in your studious profile.
The bits and pieces of our daily lives that crossed paths gave me an outline of your character, and through the grapevine I heard about your relationship. I was told you had a breakup just the year before, and one scene surfaced in my mind. I vaguely remember one night I was walking with my cousin back to her place and while walking past a bus stop outside a school I noticed a somewhat familiar face, which I was just recently introduced to, sitting by the bus stop. I considered calling out to see if I was right, but he appeared to be filled with sorrow. It didn't seem like a good time to interrupt, so I didn't stop. That guy was you. Witnessing that guy overcome with feelings due to a breakup made me realise another quality that I admire— loyalty.
I was sold on you by then I believe, but I also realised that you might not be ready for a new relationship when your last left you raw and wounded. Believe me I tried to "un-sell" you to myself, but your pros outweigh the cons, and I never did succeed. Time is the key to everything. I made progress each time there was a break in schedule, convincing myself that I didn't really like you, or attempting to get u off my mind. It always fails after I see you again and that weakness annoys me so.
The days passed, the conflict never ceased, some days I want to be close to you, and others I'd rather stay as far away as possible. I never ceased to hope that you would see me instead, but naturally, it never happened.
Our paths will soon unwind, and despite the odds there was something I had to try. Casting aside what I once believed in, I made my feelings known to you. Honestly I just wanted a solid reason to forget you, I didn't realise that it inevitably causes me to hold on to some hope. I had known what your reply would be, but it was still hard to bear. You had been most considerate and I thank you for it. At least i didn't misjudge your character, my feelings have not been for naught. Truth be told, you are a friend worth keeping, but I guess it's too late to start while you've already established friendships elsewhere.
Time heals all wounds they say. I hope this speaks true for both of us. I hope that you can find the courage to move on, and i hope you'll meet the right girl that can aid you in that. As for me, I can tell that some memories are fading, and just like the fading mark you left on my left thigh, the feelings once so strong are slowly ebbing away... But I know I will never forget you.
Or at least I think so ;p
